


love; an intense feeling of deep affection.

by ethereal_dejavu



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Collection of one shots, F/F, love and friendship - Freeform, they all love each other so much
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-05-11
Packaged: 2020-01-16 17:07:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18525892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ethereal_dejavu/pseuds/ethereal_dejavu
Summary: one shots based on my Jinseul au. showing how the girls got together and how their big family came to be.





	1. Jungeun loves Jiwoo (and her friends)

 

Jungeun was 8 years old and new in town when she first met Kim Jiwoo.

 

She wasn’t very good at approaching people at first which had her parents worried about moving houses but she job offer Mr. Kim got was too good to refute. That’s how Jungeun found herself in a new city, looking out the window while her dad drove to what would be her new house.

 

She didn’t exactly feel out of place but she didn't know how to feel at all, is not like she had friends back there but she wasn't very fond of new things. But Jiwoo changed everything.

 

She grew curious about the petite girl that lived three houses away from her one day when she was playing with her dog while her parents walked around the neighborhood keeping an eye on them. Jiwoo was dressed in a white outfit, _her parents told her it was a taekwondo uniform, she didn't get it but just accept it_ , with a wooden sword pointing a very unamused cat that was sleeping a platform that she assumed was supposed to be a castle.

 

_“Where have you take my fair princess, a beast like you is no match for me the great Chuu!!”_

 

Jungeun had to bite her laugh at the girl's antics, _cute,_ she thought and kept walking with her dog.

 

She saw her a handful of times before being properly introduced and what she gathered was that the girl could not be more different than her.

 

 _She was loud,_ sometimes Jungeun could hear her all the way from her room when she was playing or singing, _she apparently loved to sing_ as she would be doing that very often, _she was very friendly and outgoing_ , she saw her a lot of time talking with adults that passed by telling them about her day and school or the new movie she had watched and that _she had the prettiest smile_ she’d ever seen in her very short 8 years of life.

 

Is not that Jungeun was stalking her but the girl’s presence was too noticeable to not pay attention.

 

She finally met her when all her school paperwork was dealt with and she could finally go to school. She liked school, it gave her something to do plus her parents would get happy whenever she got home with good grades so she was glad to finally go back to it.

 

It wasn't really a surprise when she saw that _Chuu_ was in her class, she had expected it and she was actually kind of looking forward to it although she would never say that out loud.

 

 Jungeun would be lying if she said she wasn't dreading recess, she only kind of knew Chuu but she had reasons to believe maybe the girl would be surrounded by everyone making it impossible to approach her so she just got her food an sat on the floor against a wall to watch everyone.

 

“I know you, I've seen you around our neighborhood” she looked up to the voice to see Chuu sitting next to her “I’m Jiwoo” Jungeun blushed and took the hand that Jiwoo was offering.

 

“Jungeun”

 

Talking to Jiwoo was surprisingly easy and comforting, so she never stopped doing it.

_

Jungeun groaned as she got out of bed, she still liked school and she had gotten the habit of waking up early always but last night Jiwoo had called at 1 am stressing out about their first day of high school and she just couldn't leave her like that.

 _“You’re not gonna leave me alone right?” Jiwoo had said as soon as she picked up the phone_  

 

_“I should be saying that to you miss social butterfly”_

 

_“I'm excited and scared and I don't know what to wear”_

 

 _“Jiwooming” she tried to be reassuring, wasn't sure if it was working but Jiwoo had stopped talking “is gonna be ok, I'm gonna hold your hand the whole time”_  

 

_“promise?” Jiwoo sounded smaller than ever_

 

_“I promise” it seemed like that was more than enough cause Jiwoo just started talking about joining clubs and how she hoped they would have all their classes together._

 

_Jungeun’s heart felt at ease, she was nervous too, it was a new world and she still wasn’t very good with new things but this time was different, Jiwoo was at her side so she knew everything would be ok._

She smiled thinking about Jiwoo, the girl was still as outgoing as she was when she first met her but every once in a while she would get self-conscious about everything, she had had a few bad experiences where girls made fun of her for being too loud and annoying, she still remembers how Jiwoo stopped talking for a week straight after the girls said that, Jungeun has never been sadder, not seeing her Jiwoo being her bright self was devastating so she tried to encourage her to be herself whenever she could.

 

Jungeun got ready fairly quickly and made her way down the stairs to find Jiwoo already there talking with her mom.

 

“You ready Jungie?” Jiwoo said with a smile, not  a trace of her insecurities from last night.

 

Jungeun nodded and offered her hand that Jiwoo took without hesitation and the both of them made their way to school.

 

Their first day went well as did the first week, they had three of their classes together so they were more happy. Jiwoo talked to a couple of girls from her other classes but still sat with Jungeun for lunch while Jungeun held her hand whenever she felt Jiwoo doubting herself and keeping her promise to not leave her alone.

 

Two months into the year they met Jinsoul, both Jiwoo and Jungeun had admired Jinsoul from afar as it was known that she was currently one of the few out girls of the school. Both girls wished they would be as carefree as she was one day but we're still too scared to even think about coming out.

 

Jiwoo has always known she liked girls, ever since she was little she wanted an epic romance like those from the movies but she wanted it with a girl, she wanted to be wooded and swept off her feet.

 

She even told her parents how she wanted a girlfriend when she grew up and if she was allowed to do that. _“Of course,”_ her parents told her but they also told her how she couldn't tell everyone that she wanted a girlfriend cause some people weren't ok with that and she should be careful but that she could always be herself in the house.

 

Jungeun found out during their last year of middle school when they were watching a TV show and two girls got together in the end.

 

She never really liked any of the boys she has met and she didn't really think she would be into girls but it made sense once she thought about it.

 

(She also could only see herself with Jiwoo but she decided to ignore that thought and that she would deal with that later)

 

_“I think i’m gay” Jungeun said one day pretty much out of nowhere. She was scared despite the fact that she knew Jiwoo liked girls, she wasn’t scared about Jiwoo but her parents and just how hard things were gonna get with her being gay._

 

_“really?” Jiwoo said with her big eyes that grew even bigger due to the surprise and excitement._

 

_“yeah” she felt weirdly happy just saying those words out loud, even happier once Jiwoo hugged her and told her she loved her._

 

They got even closer since then if that was possible.

 

Halfway through the school year they got Jinsoul as their tutor, it was actually Jiwoo’s tutor but Jungeun was always with her and Jinsoul said it was ok for her to join them as long as she wasn't a distraction.

 

Jinsoul was incredible smart and kind and patient, it was kind of incredible. They would see each other thrice a week and after a couple of weeks into tutoring, Jinsoul invited the both to hang out after school.

 

They got along immediately and became fast friends, Jungeun still to this day blushes remembering how Jinsoul thought she and Jiwoo were dating.

_“You guys make a cute couple,” she said while they were walking home together._

 

_“Oh we’re not, we are just friends,” Jiwoo said blushing, by then Jungeun didn’t really understand why that hurt so much._

 

_“I’m sorry I just assumed”_

 

_“is ok, really we get that a lot” Jungeun tried to reassure her but wasn’t sure if she did, she noticed how Jinsoul looked at them for a second before changing the subject._

With Jinsoul came Sooyoung, a pretty and snarky girl from Jinsoul’s grade, if they thought Jinsoul was carefree Sooyoung was a free spirit. Doing what she wanted and loving every second of it.

 

Turns out Sooyoung was also very very gay and a couple of months later she and Jinsoul started dating, Jungeun would be lying is she said she wasn’t jealous, she saw how the girls went on dates and would kiss and hold hands in public.

 

She wanted that so badly, and she was scared she would never get it.

 

She had gotten a few crushed on some girls but never really felt like she thought she was supposed to feel when she liked someone. Maybe it wasn't her time yet.

 

Their first year of high school ended in a great note, they got great grades and made great memories, the four of them bonded over the year and became a really close group.

 

Sooyoung got Jungeun into the dance club after they went to the arcade on day and Jungeun impressed them all with her skill on dance dance revolution.

 

Jungeun couldn’t be happier, she always feared that she wouldn’t be able to make friends but here she was with three amazing girls by her side that supported her with everything.

_

 

Four became seven by the second year of high school, Jinsoul took a girl from their grade under her wing when she found some guys bullying her.

 

Kim Hyunjin was a good kid, one of the best in Jungeun’s eyes, she mostly kept to herself in class but outside of it you would always see her with the same two girls.

 

Yerim and Hyejoo, she learned not too late after Hyunjin joined her group were Hyunjin’s sisters. If Hyunjin was nice, her sisters were angels.

 

Yerim was as bright as Jiwoo, maybe even more. A talkative freshman that somehow was too shy to talk to anyone besides her sisters. Hyejoo was quiet, way too quiet at the beginning but she was the sweetest, most gentle girl ever.

 

Jungeun felt the need to protect them as soon as she met them, she’s sure they all did, they could see from miles away how much Hyunjin loved her sister and how she would do anything for them.

 

Sooyoung and Jinosul broke up a little after the sisters joined them cause they realized they weren't really into each other that way, they only saw each other as friends and had started dating cause they could. Nothing really changed cause their relationship had stopped being romantic a while ago.

 

They grew incredibly close during that year, the twins came out of their shelves, thanks to Sooyoung and Jiwoo’s outgoing personalities as well as Jinsoul and Hyunjin’s constant support and love.

 

None of them ever said it but they knew they had made a little family of their own.

 

They were happy. Until they weren’t.

 

Jungeun will never forget the night Sooyoung called her during a weekend crying telling her between sobs how the twins and her parents got in an accident and were on the hospital.

 

The sisters’ parents didn’t make it.

 

They all slept over at Hyunjin’s for a month straight, everyone too scared to be apart. Hyunjin would insist on being strong for the twins but Jungeun had seen her breaking down on Jinsoul’s arms almost every night for that month.

 

That was the second time Jungeun learned about love. She loved these girls more than anything and seeing them breaking down broke her heart more than she would like to admit.

 

As time passed, the wounds healed. The sisters were going to therapy after Jinsoul insisted she didn't want them to spiral down or hold everything in and the four of them would support them as best as they could.

 

With everything that was happening she didn't realize when Jiwoo grew up so much. Her body had developed as well as her personality, she was still her Jiwoo but she was also a new Jiwoo.

 

She still remembers the first time she saw Jiwoo in a new light.

 

They were studying over at Jinsoul’s one day, since her parents were never home, and Jiwoo was helping Hyejoo with chemistry. Jungeun was listening to Sooyoung talk when Jiwoo’s laugh made her look up.

 

She knew Jiwoo was beautiful but she swears she’s never seen her being this beautiful. Her smile full of love, her eyes shining, relaxed, surrounded by her friends, laughing at Yerim bicker with her sister. Jungeun felt her heart full and her cheeks burn.

 

Jiwoo looked at her with her smile still full of love and Jungeun felt her tummy do weird things and the strong urge to hold Jiwoo’s hand and kiss her cheek. She told herself again that she would do anything to see that smile on Jiwoo’s face as much as she could.

 

She felt like that a lot of times after that.

 

Like when they were in the park with Jungeun’s dog. Jiwoo was running with her while Jungeun got them ice cream. She looked at Jiwoo, at how her bangs got in front of her eyes, how the sun hit her just right making her look ethereal, how she laughed out loud when her dog fell for her prank. She didn't realized the ice cream lady was calling her till she felt a hand on her shoulder. She blushed and payed apologizing. She made her way to Jiwoo with two ice creams on her hands a smile in her face and a fuzzy feeling on her tummy.

 

Or when they all of them went to the local fair and Jiwoo insisted on winning a plushie for Yerim. The look of determination on her eyes, her pose trying to land the shot and her cute little whine when she only got one of the cans. Jungeun couldn't fight the smile.

 

Or that one time when she and Hyejoo had decided to go for chinese food for their little get together and Jiwoo had gotten home with food on her hands and Hyejoo on her back cause apparently the younger had been too excited and had twisted her ankle. The were arguing when they got home and Jungeun had the suspicion that they had in fact been arguing the entire time. Jiwoo refused to let Hyejoo touch the ground and Hyejoo insisted that it wasn't that big of a deal. Jungeun could feel Jiwoo’s worried glance when she looked at Hyejoo’s ankle and the tears on her eyes when Hyejoo finally admitted that it hurted a lot. Jungeun knew it wasn't the time but she couldn't help but feel the love in her heart at Jiwoo’s worried state over their friend.

 

By the end of the second year, Jungeun realized a couple of things.

  * She loved to dance and was really into computers and programming.
  * She would do anything for her friends no questions asked.
  * She was completely and utterly in love with Kim Jiwoo.
  * She was terrified of being in love and losing her friend.



_

 

Sooyoung’s dad got a job offer on another city, so Sooyoung left the summer before their third year started.

 

It was a strangely gloomy afternoon, _fitting_ thought Jungeun, they all have gone to Sooyoung’s house to say goodbye, they promised to keep in touch but they knew it was gonna be difficult. Jungeun hugged Hyejoo as they watched the car drive away, a part of their hearts going with Sooyoung.

 

Jiwoo stayed at Jungeun’s that night, feeling sad and just wanting to cuddle, they watched Disney movies all night while talking about the future.

 

“I want to study something so i can work with kids like us, like Yerim and Hyejoo, I want to help them”

 

“you could try psychology? remember how much it helped the twins?” Jiwoo looked up at Jungeun with something in her eyes Jungeun couldn't really recognize.

 

“that’s a great idea but i was thinking about music therapy, that way i can help people, kids, with music, with something i love”

 

“you’d be amazing at whatever you chose to do and that sounds perfect for you” Jiwoo smiled and cuddled even closer to Jungeun, while she prayed for her heart to steady itself so it wouldn't give away her feelings right that second.

 

This was Jinsoul's last year on high school so they all felt a little sadder when they started the school year, despite the fact that Jinsoul’s university was only going to be 20 minutes from their house, meaning that they’ll still see each other always, it felt different. They were growing up and soon they would have an entire world of responsibilities.

 

Jungeun felt like Jinsoul had everything figured out. She was always the one to help everyone even herself would often go to Jinsoul for advice. So she was obviously the first one to know about Jungeun’s secret.

 

“i’m in love with Jiwoo” Jinsoul and her were in charge of the snacks for their movie night and they could hear the sisters and Jiwoo screaming over which movie to watch.

 

Jinsoul didn't react much, probably already knew about it but didn't want to be mean or make things worst.

 

“how do you feel?”

 

 _weightless, free, full of love,_ was what she wanted to say “I don't know, I don't know what to do, I don't want things to change, sometimes is just so much I want the whole world to know, but I'm so scared, she's my best friend I can't lose her, I cant Jinsoul, I don’t know what I would do if I lose her” Jungeun didn't realize there were tears on her eyes till Jinsoul hugged her and told her to breathe.

 

“Jungie was wrong?” Jiwoo said as soon as she saw Jungeun leave the kitchen with tears on her eyes already making her way to hug her

 

Jungeun was panicking but Jinsould quick thinking saved her “ don’t worry she just

hit her toe with the edge of the counter”

 

“awww you big baby” Jungeun smiled at Jiwoo’s antics and they made her way to the couch, she didn't miss Hyunjin’s curious glare and just tried to smile at her to let her know everything was ok.

 

Sometimes she thought maybe Jiwoo felt the same, maybe if she told her they would be ok, but she couldn't, she wished she was as brave as Hyunjin, who had asked this girl she liked out but then again Hyunjin wasn't in love with her best friend.

 

Jiwoo got asked out by a girl from the theatre club and Jungeun’s heart broke just a little. Jinsoul told her to stay at hers while Jiwoo was on her date because she knew the twins would help to ease her heart.

 

Jungeun swears she tried to get over Jiwoo, she went out with random girls and made out in the back of a movie theatre or under the bleachers at high school, but they weren’t Jiwoo so she just stopped trying to get a girl to stop thinking about her and instead focused on studying and her friends.

 

Jiwoo on the other side dated the girl for five months before going to Jungeun’s crying cause the girl was in love with someone else and was using Jiwoo to make her jealous.

 

Turns out Hyunjin actually liked her best friend, she told her one night that she’s had a crush on Jinsoul since forever and Jungeun just hugs her cause finally, someone understands. Hyunjin’s crush isn't the same as her being completely in love but still, she feels better with someone by her side.

_

Everything revolved around Jiwoo the last two years of high school, she came to terms with the fact that she was in love and she decided to enjoy the feeling rather than dwell on it, Jiwoo was, after all, the most amazing girl in the world and she deserved to be loved, even if it was on silence.

 

The twins started to experience their crushes themselves, especially Hyejoo, so Jungeun tried to give them advice the best she could, despite the fact that she herself couldn't get her girl.

 

She couldn't help but feel a little overwhelmed thinking about applying to university at the end of the year, Hyunjin was overly excited cause she was turning 18 this year and that meant she could finally leave her aunt’s house (where they've been living since her parents died) and live with Jinsoul.

 

They had a pretty awesome plan, Jungeun had to admit. The four of them were to live at Jinsoul’s and they would rent out Hyunjin’s parents’ house, that would soon belong to Hyunjin so they could have a decent income without having to work. It was brilliant.

 

She, herself was probably dorm once in university, she hoped Jiwoo would be her roommate but knew the chances of that happening were slim.

 

“what are you thinking about” Jiwoo asked her lifting her eyes from the essay she had been working since they got home.

 

 _you,_ she wanted to say “university, do you think we’ll get to be roomates??” she said instead.

 

“i don't know, i hope so” Jiwoo sat on the bed next to Jungeun taking her hand while playing with her fingers “im gonna miss the twins”

 

“is only gonna be a year and we’ll still see them a lot”

 

“yeah i hope they’ll be ok without us, they don't really have other friends do they?”

 

“they don’t” despite de girls not being shy they rarely talked with anyone that wasn't their circle of friends, Hyunjin usually worried about leaving because of that, so did Jungeun.

 

“they're gonna be ok tho, they're turning 18 next year and they'll move in with the girls, so they’ll only gonna be alone for like four months”

 

“you're right”

 

Jiwoo was still playing with her fingers, and Jungeun has never before wanted to kiss her as much as she did in that moment, she wanted to reassure her that things will be alright, as long as they're together. That she shouldn't worry too much and just enjoy their last year.

 

Jungeun blushed when Jiwoo looked at her, there was that thing in her eyes again and Jungeun felt her heart glow. She took her hand and laced their fingers together

 

“we’re gonna be ok, don't worry too much” she said and watched as Jiwoo relaxed again and smiled in that way that made her heart melt. They went back to what they were doing and Jungeun couldn't help but fall more in love with the girl. It seemed like that was a recurring thing for these past years.

 

She didn't care that her love was probably one sided, just being able to experience such feelings was more than enough.

 

Besides, Jiwoo felt like peace and excitement, she felt like warm and sweet, she felt like home and she never wanted to stop feeling like that.

_

 

It was their second semester at of their second year at university , things were going great. Hyunjin got herself a girlfriend, the twins got a friend and Jinsoul was in love with a random girl from her calculus class.

 

Her feelings though, were usually too much to handle. She was really thinking about confessing after being in love in secret for three years. She had talked with Jinsoul a lot about it and she got to the conclusion that if she ever felt like she couldn't hold it in any longer she was going to tell Jiwoo. She had a speech and everything.

 

She was about to do it a couple of times.

 

_Her roommate had gone out gods knows where so she had her dorm for herself_

 

_-my roommate is out partying, she says shes not coming back_

 

_She sent to Jiwoo who immediately told her she would be on her way._

 

_Jiwoo got there with donuts on one had and her favorite drink on the other and Jungeun fell in love again, her heart going crazy when Jiwoo kissed her on the cheek as a hello. They put on a random baking show from Netflix, they had gotten into them a while ago both enjoying watching people fail._

 

_“she’s not letting the cake cool down, the frosting is gonna melt” Jiwoo said taking a donut and biting into it, Jungeun watched as she got powder sugar all over her lips and stared a little bit too long for it to be considered normal._

 

_“you got” Jungeun motioned at her lips to let the girl know and she watched as Jiwoo tried to get the powder sugar off her lips. She got close and took Jiwoo’s face on her hands cleaning the corner of her lips. She wanted to kiss her so badly, she saw Jiwoo’s cheeks get red and how she couldn't focus her eyes “Jiwoo i-”_

 

_Her sentence got cut as her roommate opened the door talking about how she forgot to bring something and saying a quick goodbye as she left without paying attention to them._

 

She still got red thinking about Jiwoo’s lips so close to hers. She wondered if Jiwoo thought about it too.

 

She and Jiwoo were as close as they’ve ever been, despite their little moment that none of them dared to talk about. She had been a little scared that university was gonna make them have less time for each other or their friends, but that wasn't the case at all. She would go to Jiwoo’s dorm whenever her roommate was out partying since she didn't come back till the next day at night.

 

They would cuddle and talk about everything and nothing just like they’ve always done. They would get together for lunch and for studying.

 

Jungeun's heart wasn't as erratic anymore but instead was at ease, tranquil, full and warm. She wasn't exactly hiding her feelings, she knew she would look at Jiwoo sometimes like she was her whole world and she was almost a 93% sure Jiwoo could see it, but that just made her feel more at ease, maybe Jiwoo wouldn't hate her for being in love, maybe just maybe things were gonna be ok.

 

Jiwoo asked her one day to go for ice cream the next day, which was a little weird since they never really made plans from one day to the other. They were both very spontaneous and would randomly decide to go explore the city. To say she was worried was an understatement.

 

She went through all the possible and very much impossible scenarios on her head. Maybe Jiwoo was dating someone, maybe she was pregnant (somehow) maybe she was going away and never come back, she tried to relax but something told her this meeting was important and she couldn't figure out why

 

Jiwoo was already there when she made it to ice cream shop.

 

She could see her fidgeting and looking everywhere till she saw her.

 

There was a long silence once they got their ice creams and she was about to ask what was wrong when Jiwoo took her hand and finally talked.

 

“i’m in love with you, have been for a while and lately i just been wanting to tell the whole world that i love you so i thought i should probably start with you”

 

Jungeun felt like crying, she could feel the tears starting to form on her eyes so she quickly excused herself to the bathroom. She was hyperventilating a little, she couldn't believe it, Jiwoo was in love with her. Nice cheerful beautiful Jiwoo, in love with her.

 

She texted Jinsoul for a little bit a of courage and she made her realize that she basically left Jiwoo out there without saying anythings.

 

She left the bathroom and looked at Jiwoo, who saw her red eyes and stood up ready to try and comfort Jungeun.

 

“what..” Jungeun didn’t let her finish she just grabbed her face and kissed her like she’d wanted to do so many times before.

 

Trying to pour everything she felt into the kiss Jungeun felt Jiwoo’s hands around her waist and she couldn't help but smile into the kiss. This was better than all her dreams combined.

 

As soon as Jungeun felt the eyes on her she stopped the kiss and took Jiwoo’s hands, leaving two half eaten ice creams on the table.

 

They walked till a nearby park and sat on a bench far away from prying eyes. Never letting go of each other’s hands.

 

“i take it you feel the same” Jiwoo said with that beautiful smile full of love that had stolen her heart years ago.

 

“i do, have for a while too”

 

“did you know that i once told my parents that i was gonna marry you when i first met you?” Jungeun blushed at the confession, they were kids back then. She barely remembers when she met Jiwoo.

 

“so you’ve liked me since then?”

 

“i guess, i didn't really remembered that, they told me that yesterday when i told them i was gonna confess” Jiwoo was blushing remembering how her parents had reacted when she told them her plan.

 

“i think i liked you since then too but i didn't realize it till our second year oh high school”

 

They talked for hours till the day turned night. Stealing kisses here and there, Jungeun had never felt happier. She felt like she could do anything. Like nothing could ever bring her down from this high

 

All their friends congratulated them, they couldn't be happier after all these years they were finally where they always were supposed to be.

 

Jungeun walked Jiwoo to her dorm and kissed her at her front door. God she would never get tired of this. She doesn’t really want to let her go. A little scared that this was just a dream, if that was case she never wanted to wake up.

 

“let me take you on a date, a proper date” She said as soon as they broke their kiss, still holding Jiwoo’s hand and tucking her hair behind her ear,Jiwoo was blushing still making her ever prettier “you always said you wanted a big romance, so let me properly court you, you deserve that”

 

Jiwoo smiled and kissed Jungeun again “you don’t need to do that, i’m already yours, always have been”

 

“i still want to do it, please”

 

“if you look at me like that i guess i don't really have a choice do i?”

 


	2. Haseul loves her sister (more than anything)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haseul has always taken care of her sister for as long as she remembers. If she didn't love her as much as she does she would resent her, having to give up a lot of things for the sake of Yeojin could have made her hold a grudge against her but it didn't, Yeojin was and will always be Haseul’s number one priority and she would drop anything and anyone if her sister needed her.

Haseul has always taken care of her sister for as long as she remembers. If she didn't love her as much as she does she would resent her, having to give up a lot of things for the sake of Yeojin could have made her hold a grudge against her but it didn't, Yeojin was and will always be Haseul’s number one priority and she would drop anything and anyone if her sister needed her.

 

Her entire life was just walking on eggshells and constant worry, always scared of saying or doing the wrong thing, as if there was a time bomb that could go off at any minute. She didn’t want that life for her sister but there wasn’t anything that she could do, Yeojin had to live the same way she did, in constant worry but still, Haseul tried her hardest to give a happy enough childhood and she wouldn't live a sad life, that she wouldn’t be as scared of things, so that she could still be loved like she deserved to be, she’d said she did well enough, considering that she was only a little older than her and barely knew what she was doing most of the time.

 

She was 4 when Yeojin was born. she didn't understand much at that age but she remembers always wanting to hold her sister on her arms, they let her for a few minutes and she would look at her and feel weird at how small and fragile she was. She thought babies were weird.

 

As Yeojin grew Haseul realized she needed to be a good role model for her. She was so excited when Yeojin learned how to walk cause that meant they could go on adventures together now. Little Haseul would take her sister's hand and take her with her so they could play together, Haseul learned patience with her since she knew she couldn't do much yet and that she had to adapt to her instead of just doing things how she wanted.

 

As soon as Yeojin learned to talk there was no way to stop her. They would talk non stop about everything a two and half-year-old would talk and since she could understand almost everything Haseul would read her books whenever she could and they would watch movies together.

 

Haseul was 7 when she understood that her family wasn't exactly a happy family, she's had her suspicious ever since she was in kindergarten cause she saw how the other kids' parents were. They were happy to pick up their kids, hugging them and asking how their day had been and what they've done, her mom didn't, she just picks her up and they'd have a silent ride home. Her dad tried sometimes, she could tell, but he also seemed tired all the time and maybe talking to your kids wasn't worth the effort. _Haseul used to think that they were never really worth the effort._

 

Haseul loved and hated going to school, she could play with kids and learn new things, plus her teacher was nice and pretty and she always taught her cool things and let her color books whenever her parents were late to pick her up but going to school meant leaving Yeojin with her mom or the babysitter, she liked the babysitter well enough that she wouldn't worry. She knew her mom wouldn’t do anything to Yeojin, at that age, she still fed her when she had to and took care of her, but she couldn't help but worry. She didn’t trust her mom with her sister. She didn’t trust her mom with anything.

 

-

 

Haseul remembers very clearly the first time she thought about how she was always going to do anything in her power to keep her sister safe and happy.

 

She was 10 years old. The atmosphere at her house has been weird for over a week now, she tried to not talk too much in case she started something and told Yeojin to try and do the same, to go to her in case she needed something.

 

Her day at school had been fine the same as always, she was learning about the human body in class, about the bones and muscles. And she would tell all about it to Yeojin during recess or lunch, telling her the names of her bones or touching her arms to tell her about the muscles she had there.

 

It was nice that they were finally going to the same school, it made Haseul feel better knowing her sister was somewhere in the same building as her only on another classroom, they would go home together and Haseul would try to help her sister on her homework whenever she could. But these couple of days they’ve been going straight to their room to do homework or to nap, too scared to stay with their parents for too long. Haseul thought about how unfair everything was.

 

Her mom had been particularly quiet that whole ride home and her dad was home drinking what she could only assume was alcohol. They went to their room as soon as they got home, Yeojin had to color some numbers as homework and Haseul would just look at her telling her about what she learned in school. It was past 7 pm and they had barely left the room when Yeojin’s tummy started to growl indicating how she was getting hungry so Haseul left to make them both a couple of sandwiches and get them juice. She didn’t see her parents, making her way straight to the kitchen trying to make as little sound as possible.

 

As soon as she made it to their room she heard screaming and the sound of stuff falling down, she almost dropped the food paralyzed looking at her sister’s eyes that screamed fear. She wasn’t thinking when she acted, (if you asked her today Haseul doesn't know how she didn't cry that day or how she managed to calm Yeojin and make her feel safe, she just knows she did it) she took Yeojin’s hands, grabbed her mp3 and her earphones (she had gotten them for her latest birthday, a gift from her teacher) and put the earphones on both Yeojin and herself, with music loud enough so that they wouldn’t hear anything but a BoA song that she loved so much. She hugged Yeojin, trying to be as reassuring as a 10-year-old could be and they played on the bed listening to the music till they fell asleep.

 

The next day it was like nothing had happened at all, Haseul thought maybe she had imagined until Yeojin asked to hold her hand the whole ride to school.

 

“Why did mom and dad fight last night?” Yeojin asked during lunch playing with her food.

 

“I don’t know”

 

“why don't they love us? aren't parents supposed to love their kids?” She could see the tears on Yeojin’s eyes starting to form, she took her hand and squeezed it “dad only likes me sometimes”

 

“I don't know, but I love you ok? you have to know that, I'm not gonna let anything happen to you ok?”

 

Yeojin looked unsure but her sister had never lied to her so she wouldn’t be lying now right? “I love you too”

 

Haseul knew that that would have to somehow be enough for them. Maybe their parents didn’t love them but at least they had each other. They would always have each other.

 

A week after the fight a family moved to the house next to them, Yeojin and Haseul were watching through the window how they would bring a lot of boxes to the house. That house had been empty for as long as they could remember, when they were younger (aka just last year) they would sneak inside and play there for hours.

 

“look, a girl!” Yeojin said pointing at a girl that was playing with some of the boxes “can we go say hi?” she asked enthusiastically. Haseul was glad that despite how things were at home Yeojin still was a kid that got happy at the idea of making friends, she had a couple of friends at school but it didn't go past that, Haseul knew that Yeojin got invited to the other kid’s houses and for birthday parties but she couldn’t go cause they were afraid of asking their parents to take them.

 

She’d been able to go to one birthday party a little while cause they got lucky and their dad was in a good mood so he took them there. But with the way things had been lately they just didn’t bother asking. However, befriending a girl that lived right beside them could be what they needed since their parents let them play outside as long as they were inside before 7 pm.

 

Haseul never understood why they had a curfew, is not like they cared about them but she would never complain in case she made things worse.

 

“we’re going out,” Haseul said to no one, they stayed still, waiting in case they said anything and once they were clear they both left the house.

 

The girl was tiny, probably younger that Haseul, she had a very foreign aura to her but she seemed nice.

 

“hey i’m Yeojin, what’s your name?” Haseul didn’t notice when Yeojin left her side and was already next to the girl.

 

“I’m Heejin, we just moved here do you wanna play with me?” Haseul almost cried seeing her sister bright smile while they played with Heejin, maybe things weren’t that bad after all.

 

After that they would play together every day after school, Heejin was just as talkative as they were, so together they would talk for hours and hours about nothing and everything, Yeojin seemed particularly comfortable around Heejin which made Haseul happy.

 

Haseul knew her family wasn’t normal but it still came as a surprise how nice the Jeon family was. They invited them for dinner one day and Haseul was ready to decline, not wanting to bother them and cause a scene but Heejin convinced them that her mom made the most delicious lasagna and that they had to try it.

 

Everything was going great, the lasagna was indeed delicious and Heejin’s voice was a nice background noise, being used to having to eat in silent hearing Heejin’s stories was a nice change until Haseul accidentally dropped a glass.

 

“i’m sorry, i’m so sorry” Haseul said rapidly and shaking as she started to pick up the pieces, she could feel Yeojin tense by her side, ready to hear the screams that usually followed a scene like that.

 

She felt a hand on her wrist and felt the tears on her eyes starting to form, she froze too scared to make the wrong move that would get her on even more problems. Until a soft voice broke her bubble.

 

“don’t worry about, let me pick it up, you can cut yourself” Miss Jeon’s voice was soft and slow, Haseul looked at her and only saw the concern on her eyes, still shaking she looked at her sister, frozen in place with a panicky look on her eyes. She came back to herself realizing that they weren’t about to scream at them and sent them to their room, and tried to reassure Yeojin to relax too.

 

The rest of the lunch was awkward, despite Heejin’s tries of making conversation Haseul could feel Miss Jeon constant stare on her and Yeojin. It scared her a little but not in the same way she’d be scared of her mom’s stare, it scared her cause she just couldn't place what the stare meant since it seemed like they weren’t in trouble.

 

Heejin’s mom told her she wanted to talk to her after as soon as lunch finished and Haseul started to shake again, she felt Yeojin’s hand searching for hers, it seemed like she read the situation better than Haseul did, cause she just held her hand tight and lead her to Heejin’s mom.

 

Turns out Heejin’s mom just wanted to let them know that they could relax in their home that nothing bad was going to happen there. Haseul was more than skeptical but she told them that they would try.

 

It took almost two months for Haseul to let herself relax in the Jeon household but after constant encouragement from Heejin and reassurement from their parents, she got there.

 

With Heejin by their side, everything was better. Heejin was surprisingly social, she made friends easily, but at the end of the day, she always came back to them Haseul wasn’t sure why but didn't dare to question it. Their parents let them go to Heejin’s house everyday cause that way they were someone else’s problem while they were there, that was probably the only good thing they ever did for them.

 

Going to school was now even better, she herself had a few acquaintances so lunchtime was especially loud, her mom didn't pick them from school anymore since Heejin’s dad did. She liked it more that way, cause rides home were now filled with stories or singing, it made her feel happy for a while before having to get to a silent home where they could barely breathe.

 

Heejin became a constant in their lives, they would eat together, do their homework together and play together. It was nice, they could be kids with them and Haseul would forever be grateful of everything the Jeon family did for them. Every day for the next years they would get closer and since Heejin and Yeojin were closer on age they got along great, ganging up together to bother Haseul who would pretend to get mad at their antics, it was nice.

 

Haseul loved Heejin. She was their escape of the shitty reality they had to confront at the end of each day. Now they didn’t only have each other, they also had Heejin.

 

Their parents' fight became more frequent with the years but not more bearable, they could tell when they would come cause the air became tense days before it happened, so in one way or another, they could get ready for them. Yeojin didn’t cry anymore but Haseul could tell how sad she got every time their parents fought, she could see how tired she was and it would break Haseul’s heart everytime cause there was only so much she could do.  

 

-

 

The years passed and everything pretty much stayed the same, it was still Heejin, Yeojin and her against the world. Their parents started to care less and less of them since they were becoming more independent each day, but they didn’t bother them as long as they didn't break any of the rules. Not getting home too late, they had to be home before they got there, not bothering them and not talking back.

 

It was somehow better now, they could be basically free till 7 pm which meant a lot of adventures with Heejin. They also knew how to behave so they would rarely get in trouble, most of the time it was like they didn’t exist, and they liked it that way it was better than having their parents scream at them for any little thing they did wrong.  

 

She was 13 when one day her dad just left, no goodbyes, no fight or screams, he just left, just like that. She always thought that if any of their parents would change sometime (and maybe care for them) it would be her dad, but maybe she was wrong about that.

 

Yeojin cried a lot since she was her dad’s favorite, which didn't mean he did a lot for her but he did enough that Yeojin felt the loss, crying for almost an entire week until she decided he wasn't worth it. Haseul didn’t believe her but she supported her in every way after all Yeojin was only 9 years old, she now understood their situation better and how they couldn’t let their parents get in the way of their lives.

 

Heejin asked her mom to bake them something that day so they wouldn’t be so sad and somehow those cookies were the tastiest thing they had ever had.

 

Since their dad left them, their mom just stopped caring at all, Haseul thinks the only reason they exist at all is that her mom used them so her dad wouldn’t leave before, so now that he wasn't around their mom couldn't care less about them. Haseul always wondered why she didn’t just throw them out then but maybe, just maybe she wasn't as heartless as she seemed or then again maybe they weren’t worth the effort, it was like they didn’t exist. Haseul thought that maybe she forgot they lived with her, she didn’t and she let them know whenever she could feel their presence in the house, she never hit them but she would throw stuff around whenever she got mad, Haseul worried one day she would hit them so they tried to follow the rules, they didn't really have anywhere else to go so they had to try and stay on her good side.

 

She took it out on Haseul the most, she never knew why but she was glad she did, she wouldn't want her sister to have to bear the screams and insults that were usually thrown her way, she would gladly take everything her mom had to give if it meant Yeojin wouldn't have to.

 

Since her mom didn't give a fuck about them, Haseul learned to properly cook, thanks to Miss Jeon she learned to make a lot of different dishes, so that she and Yeojin could cook without having to rely so much on Heejin’s parents. She learned to take care of her clothes so Yeojin would be able to use them when she grew up and they would only have to ask for money for Haseul’s clothes, more often than not Haseul bought her clothes thinking about whether Yeojin would like them in a couple of years, about whether they were her style or if they would look nice on her. They only clothes Haseul owned that were bought with her on mind instead of her sister were the ones that Heejin and her family would get her for her birthday or Christmas, everything else she always bought with Yeojin in mind.

 

-

 

Her teen years were better, the only rule they had now was getting home before 8pm. Her mom didn’t care what they did during the day as long as they were home by 8pm. Which gave them enough freedom to enjoy their days.

 

Yeojin was big enough that she didn't have to constantly take care of her which gave her a little bit of freedom not that she wanted to but Yeojin insisted that she could mostly take care of herself alone now and that she should try to live a little without constantly worrying about her.

 

Haseul almost cried when Yeojin said that to her, Yeojin has become very selfless through the years probably taking after herself, she started to worry about Haseul, about the tool having to take care of her since such a young age took of her and was always trying to do the best she could, so that Haseul could breathe in peace and not be in that constant stage of worrying she had always seen her.

 

So she let Yeojin be more responsible of herself, letting her go home with Heejin whenever she needed to stay at school for longer, letting her go to her friend’s house by herself only going to pick her up instead of staying with her the entire time and just not being by her side 24/7. It was a little scary at the beginning but she knew the parents of her sister’s friends and they knew to call her or Heejin’s parents if anything happened, she also knew Yeojin knew better than to get in trouble so she trusted her.

 

Haseul was 14 years old (and a half) when she met Eunbi. Eunbi was probably the cutest girl Haseul has seen in her life, long hair and small face, with big eyes and a beautiful smile, she looked quiet but, as Haseul discovered soon enough, she wasn’t quiet at all, making jokes or whining or singing. They met thanks to a biology project where they had to investigate the bees and how important they were, although Haseul had seen her around with a couple of girls before.

 

Since Haseul wasn’t allowed to have anyone over and couldn’t really go to Eunbi’s house they would go to the library after school some days and then work in separate ways, getting together in Heejin’s front yard or a nearby park whenever they needed to. Haseul would always be grateful that Eunbi didn’t pry on her situation and didn’t make a big deal out of the fact that sometimes they had to work on the grass all afternoon.

 

She never said it but Eunbi also made everything better, everything was brighter, warmer when she was around. Her tummy would go crazy when they held hands and her cheeks would turn red whenever Eunbi looked at her for more than 5 seconds, she didn’t understand why but didn’t question either. The only thing she knew was that Eunbi made her feel nice, and she liked that a lot.

 

They became friends fast, maybe because they had to spend so much time together but Haseul thinks they just clicked together, just like when Heejin came to their lives, but also not in the same way at all.  

 

One day, a week before they had to turn in their project Haseul asked Miss Jeon to teach her how to make burgers, she had a vague idea on how to make them but since Heejin’s mom was an excellent cook, she thought she could ask her for help (she had, after all taught her everything she knew how to cook so this time wouldn't be any different) she wanted to make burgers from scratch for Eunbi, as a present for being so understanding and nice and since Eunbi absolutely loved burgers, it would be perfect.

 

_“when i grow up im gonna own a burger place,” she said one afternoon where they were just walking around the park, ice cream in hand, they didn’t always get together for school reason, this being one of those times. Yeojin was with Heejin probably playing video games, while she and Eunbi were just walking around and talking. (Had she no had Heejin she wouldn't have the luxury to go out and enjoy an entire afternoon with anyone, not wanting to leave Yeojin alone. That day she promised herself that she would try to do anything to repay Heejin for everything she had done, even if she was only 11 years old now she had ease Haseul’s worry by a whole lot ever since they met each other)_

 

_“are you gonna cook them too?”_

 

_“no, i don't know how to cook, I'm just gonna watch people make them and eat them”_

 

 _Haseul laughed,_ of course she would _, she thought to herself “I don't know how that will make good business”_

 

_Eunbi just looked at her and shrugged, maybe she hadn't thought about it that much_

 

So Miss Jeon helped Haseul make burgers, they made the bread, cooked the meat and cut every vegetable they were going to use, Heejin and Yeojin would just look at them, showing no interest for learning how to cook and just wanting to eat once it was done.

 

Once everything was done, she got the cokes she bought before and nicely packed two of the burgers onto a basket and left to the park, she felt nervous for some reason, she assumed it was cause she had never cooked before and was worried Eunbi wouldn’t like them.

 

She couldn't help but smile when she spotted Eunbi sitting on a bench already waiting for her, with a yellow dress and her cute smile. She made a gesture telling her to come with her and they made their way into the park, Haseul took out a blanket she had brought and they sat under a three.

 

“i made you something” she saw Eunbi’s eyes go big in surprised and expectation as well as her timid smile, she also noted the small blush that started to spread on her cheeks and felt a sense of pride on herself. _She did that._ Maybe she should give Eunbi gifts more often if it meant being the cause of that particular smile.

 

“you didn’t have to”

 

“i know, but i wanted to, here-” she handed Eunbi one of the burgers, seeing her excitement grow even more “i made them”

 

Eunbi took a bite out of it as Haseul looked at her waiting for her reaction, she hoped they tasted good. “this is so good, thank you so much, you even put everything I like in them!” Haseul couldn’t help but blush at Eunbi’s enthusiasm over the burgers, she felt a sense of accomplishment.

 

They finished their burgers talking about nothing in particular, Eunbi was talking about how one girl from her lit class had pranked the teacher and now had detention for a whole month. Haseul wasn’t sure what was happening as she felt a weird thing on her chest and tummy while she was listening to Eunbi talk. She got nervous all of a sudden, scared of what those feelings could mean and the consequences they could have. She tried to not think about it and just focus on Eunbi and her pretty smile.

 

After they finished everything and was well into the afternoon they were walking back to their houses since Eunbi didn’t leave that far away they could walk together for a while.

 

“thanks for today, it was really nice” Eunbi said as they stopped on an intersection “i’ll see you tomorrow” she said and kissed Haseul’s cheek, it was barely a peck, no longer than a second but it left Haseul dumbfounded for a good ten seconds as the butterflies on the tummy went crazy. She smiled as she saw Eunbi making her way to her house. Touching her face where Eunbi’s lips made contact she made her way to her own house with a smile that nothing could take off her face.

 

They had a lot of days like that after that until Eunbi got one day to the park crying, Haseul opened her arms hugging her and let her cry till she was calm enough to talk.

 

“we’re leaving tomorrow, my mom said we can’t afford to be here so we’re leaving to my grandma’s im so sorry”

 

That was probably Haseul first heartbreak. They stayed together that whole afternoon, Eunbi with her back on Haseul’s front talking as if it was a normal day and this wasn't probably the last time they ever saw each other. It was past her curfew, she knew her mom was gonna be mad but she couldn’t care, she didn't want to let go of Eunbi. She couldn't help but tear up as they made it to their intersection.

 

“I’m never gonna forget you” Eunbi took her face on her hands and kissed her, this time on the lips, it was a short and innocent, where they mostly tasted their tears but for Haseul it was perfect because it was Eunbi and everything about Eunbi was perfect.

 

She never heard of her again.

 

To say her mom was mad that day was an understatement but Haseul didn’t care, she just listened to her and accepted her punishment, she couldn't go out for the rest of the month. She cried the whole night, Yeojin hugged her and tried to comfort her the same way Haseul had done so many times for her, it made Haseul feel better even if a part of her heart had gone away with Eunbi.

 

-

 

After Eunbi came a lot of crushes, she embraced the fact that she liked girls, even told both Heejin and Yeojin, who said they already knew, “you looked at her the same way people in movies look at each other” had said Heejin. She didn’t feel the same way until she met Saerom.

 

She was 17 by then, practically an adult, having to think about what she was going to do with her life, what she was gonna study. She didn’t have a lot of things figured out but she knew she had to stay by Yeojin’s side till she was 18. She had gotten a job so she could buy Yeojin and herself anything they wanted without having to go to their mom. That’s where she met her.

 

Heejin’s dad had gotten her the job, it was a fairly new pizza place and she was in charge of taking orders and picking up the phone. It was a nice job and since she’s always been good with people she was perfect for it.

 

It was a slow Thursday, the most that happened was Heejin and Yeojin going to drop her a jacket she forgot at home and telling her they were going to the movies, till a bunch of kids made their way in.

 

They were 9 girls that seemed to be her age and younger, some of them seemed to be Yeojin’s age. She let them look at the menu before going to the table, pen and paper on hand she looked at them, that’s when she saw her. Short hair, shoulder length, very distinctive eyes, and very soft and calm aura, she stared at her for a couple of seconds before realizing she should be taking the order.

 

“what can i get for you” she asked in her work voice, everyone seemed to be talking over each other and she couldn't help but look at the short-haired girl that was just smiling at the rest of the girls.

 

“excuse them, they don’t know how to act on public” god her voice was the softest, sweetest thing she had ever heard, she couldn't help but want to listen to it more “we’re gonna get a pepperoni pizza with extra cheese and another one with mushrooms, beef and tomato, thanks”

 

“anything to drink?” she asked avoiding eye contact with the girls, she could see her messy handwriting due to being nervous around the girl so she thought that not looking at her was the best option.

 

“a coke, a sprite and a bottle of water please” she seemed to know everyone’s order cause no one was really paying attention and they’ve gone to talk with each other.

 

She wasn’t paying attention when she went to pick up the menus and only looked up when their hands touched, the girl smiled at her and she felt herself getting flustered, taking the menus from her hand she wants to the back quickly, wanting to get out of her space as soon as possible.  

 

The rest of the afternoon went by as she would constantly look at the girl and the girl would look back at her and smile, with what seemed to be a knowing smile. Once they were done the girl looked at her again, smiled at her a mouthed a bye. Haseul’s heart couldn’t stop beating, she couldn't help but think about Eunbi and how this girl she didn't know was making her feel things she hadn’t feel in a while.

 

As soon as she got a hold of herself she went to pick up what the girls had left and she found that there was a jacket in one of the chairs, one of the girls had forgotten her jacket, she couldn't help but want it to be the cute girl’s jacket but the chances of that being real were 1 out of 9 so she just took it and left her behind the counter.

 

Not even half an hour later the cute girl came back looking out of breath, Haseul thanked the gods for this second chance.

 

“my friends left a jacket here?” she asked unsure, she wondered if she had gone to other places looking for it or if she knew for sure it was here.

 

“yes here it it” she said as she gave her the jacket back

 

“thanks…?”

 

“Haseul, my name’s Haseul”

 

“I’m Saerom, nice to meet you” she offered her hand and Haseul took it seeing the smile on her eyes and swooning a little, the girl, Saerom, blushed and looked down before making eye contact again her hands now holding the jacket “i couldn’t help but notice you looking at me while we were here” _great now the girl will think she was a creep_ “and i was wondering if you’d like to go out with me”

 

Haseul was speechless, she’s never really been asked out, and now this pretty girl was in front of her telling her she wanted to see her outside of work, she couldn't really believe it.

 

“you can say no, is just that my friends told me to shot my shoot and i don’t really have anything to lose do i?” she said smiling, Haseul knew that smile was going to her favorite smile for a while.

 

“i’d love to” she finally said and she could see Sarom relax a little, the smile back to her eyes.

 

They exchanged numbers and said goodbye. Once she was home Yeojin asked her why she was in such a good mood and she told her everything about the cute girl that had asked her out. Yeojin was more than happy, almost letting out a scream that was stopped by Haseul’s hand in her mouth, they didn’t need to get in trouble, no now that Haseul had a date.

 

Their date was perfect, Saerom was the nicest, sweetest girl and Haseul liked her a lot, so they kept going on dates, spending almost every day together after school, they weren’t officially dating but Haseul knew they would get there. Yeojin and Heejin liked her, telling her that she got lucky and that Saerom was great. Which she was, she was great with Yeojin, asking her how she was doing in school or if she had watched any new movies lately, Haseul felt a little more for her whenever she saw her with her sister.

 

Saerom asked her to be her girlfriend by Haseul’s 18th birthday, four months since their first date, and Haseul couldn't be happier. She loved Saerom, she trusted her and she felt safe and free, something she hasn't felt in a while. They were both going to university on a couple of months and they got lucky to be accepted into the same one, everything was going perfect.

 

-

 

The first year of university was a little complicated, she got lucky with her schedule meaning that she could keep working at the pizza place and being home for her curfew, she knew, in theory, she could now do whatever she wanted but she still lived under her mom’s roof and she wanted to keep it that way, meaning she still had to follow her rules. The hardest part was not having Yeojin close-ish everytime but Heejin promised her she’d look after her and she trusted Heejin with her life, still she missed both of them a little. She tried to not think about how Yeojin was going to be alone for her last year, nothing worried her more than that, especially since as she grew Yeojin started to have problems making friends and more often than not she would get bullied by the kids from her grade, she used to be there for her in case anything happened and Heejin was still there, but at some point she was going to be alone, she just hopes she taught her well enough so that she won’t believe what the kids would say.

 

She also had gotten worse at making friends, having Yeojin, Heejin and Saerom by her side she always thought that was more than enough, deep down though, she knew she should make more friends but she didn't want to put her problems on someone else if they didn't want it, so she decided she wouldn't look for friends but if someone ever came, she would be as welcoming as possible.

 

And someone did come.

 

Saerom was studying something completely different, so they only saw each other for lunch or whenever they were lucky enough so that the both of them would be free, so she got really lucky when a random girl approached her and started making conversation.

Vivi was a Chinese girl that came to study here as a way to rebel against her parents and to prove that she could do things by herself, it was quite admirable. She still had problems with the language but she could communicate just fine, she gave her good vibes, it reminded Haseul of Saerom, both were soft-spoken and had a very calming presence, although Vivi wasn’t as talkative, she thought that it was probably because of the whole language deal.

 

She shared half of her classes with Vivi so they became friends rather quickly, studying together and just hanging out. It was nice having someone by her side during university, she no longer felt as lost and even if she was, at least she wasn't lost alone. Vivi took a liking of Yeojin immediately, always treating her out to eat or taking her to different places and Yeojin was weirdly patient with Vivi, always ready to explain something she didn't understand. It was cute.

 

Saerom got a little jealous of their relationship at the beginning, while she and Yeojin got along well they never were as close as Vivi and Yeojin were in such a short amount of time. Haseul just told her that some people just click with each other, just like they did, that seemed to work cause she never mentioned it again.

 

Vivi was the person they didn’t know was missing on their little family, she was reliable, responsible and calm, the only thing she wanted was to belong somewhere while both Yeojin and Heejin were welcoming and warm, with hearts too big for their good, they loved a lot, especially Heejin so Vivi fitted right in their little group.

 

Both of them relied a lot on each other for the next years, being both the same each they understood each other in ways the other couldn't. Haseul now had someone else to go for advice, or when she felt like everything was too much, she knew Saerom was always there for her but she felt guilty sometimes for the amount of problems she had, so having someone else to listen was exactly what she needed and Saerom understood, since she’d always had more friends around her, she knew Haseul needed that and she knew Haseul never went to Heejin with her feelings cause Heejin was barely a year older than Yeojin, she couldn't worry her the same way she couldn't worry her sister.

 

Just like with Heejin and her parents, Haseul would forever be grateful of Vivi. Who helped Haseul carrying the weight that had been put on her shoulder during her life.

 

-

 

Things with Saerom were going well, she thought maybe university and her job was going to mean they would see each other less or they wouldn't have time for each other, but while they were a lot busier, they always made time. They’ve been dating for more than two years now, they were happy, but Saerom was going to go study out of the country for a couple of years, they knew they were going to break up before Saerom left and while they were very sad they both promised themselves and each other to not be sad for too long, to not close themselves to love again, to have these past years as good memories and to move on, but to make the most out the time they had left together.

 

That’s how they found themselves on Haseul’s room watching a movie and cuddling, Yeojin was out with Heejin doing god knows what so Haseul had the house for herself. As soon as the movie ended Haseul sat on Saerom’s lap planting kissed all over her face until she settled on her neck, she’d been wanting to do that since Saerom got there but her girlfriend really wanted to watch the movie and who was she to deny anything to her, especially when she looked at her with puppy eyes and her adorable smile, but now she had her right where she wanted her, under her with her hands touching her everywhere, never staying in one place for too long, she took of her shirt off and felt Saerom’s lips on her collarbone, more definitely leaving a mark.

 

That’s how her mom found them, that’s how all hell broke loose.

 

One moment she was moaning over Saerom’s sweet, sweet lips and the next one she heard screaming and felt her hair being tugged, insults that she was so used to hear were now again being throw at her, her mom went outside her room for a minute and Haseul told Sarom to leave that she could call her later, she felt sorry her girlfriend had to hear everything her mom was saying to her. She found her shirt just as her mom was back with a trash bag on her hands, she told her she wanted her out of her house in 20 minutes.

 

She could feel the tears making her way down her face, her only thought as she took a week’s worth of clothes and everything she needed for class, was Yeojin.

 

She failed Yeojin, she let a girl distract her for what matters to her the most, and now she had to leave her alone with that woman. She didn’t care about being thrown out, all she cared about was her sister.

 

She made her way to Heejin’s house, running to her sister to hug her as soon as she saw her.

 

“I’m sorry, i’m so sorry, i wasn’t thinking, she wasn’t supposed to be home yet, i’m sorry i left you alone, i should have been more careful, i was being selfish” the tears wouldn’t stop running and she knew Heejin and her parents were looking at them, Yeojin was crying out of instinct but she was more than confused.

 

“what happened, why are you crying,” she asked trying to get Haseul to calm herself down so that she could explain.

 

Haseul just took her sister’s face on her hands “listen, you need to get home now, do as she says, don't cause any trouble, i’m gonna fix this ok?, i'm gonna think of something and i’m going to get you out of there but right now you need to go there and go straight to bed, i’m going to stay right here, you text me if anything happens ok, she’s not gonna kick you out, i know that but i want you to be careful ok?” she said trying to sound as strong as possible so Yeojin would stop crying, she couldn't get home crying.

 

Yeojin looked at her still confused but she knew she had to do what Haseul said. Haseul stopped her again outside Heejin’s house.

 

“she’ll probably won't let you see me as much so don't let her take your phone away, don't do anything that could make her mad, you need to stay on her good side ok?, text me what she says to you and i’ll see you tomorrow” she hugged her again and saw her go running to the house,as soon as she was out of her field of view she broke down crying. She felt arms around her, Heejin, and she let herself be lead to a room and to a bed. She couldn't stop shaking and crying, Heejin hugged her the whole night, telling her how they were going to fix this and how she wasn't alone.

 

The last thing she saw before falling asleep was Yeojin’s text telling her that she loved her and that she didn’t have to worry about her that she was going to be ok. She cried even harder at that, even then Yeojin was trying to be strong and reassuring as if Haseul didn't just blow their plans because of a girl.

 

She woke up the next day to text from Heejin telling her how she had taken Yeojin with her to school and how things seemed to be ok and to a couple of missed calls from both Vivi and Saerom. She called Vivi telling her everything that happened and how she was going to skip classes this week to try and figure out what to do, she also asked her to ask if there were any rooms left at the dorm and how she could apply to them, Vivi, as helpful as even told her not to worry, that she was going to get her a room.

 

She couldn't call Saerom, as much as she loved her she felt guilty for resenting her and their relationship but she couldn't help but feel like any of this would have happened if she wasn't dating her. She ended up sending her a text.

 

_Everything is ok. I’m sorry but i think we should break up now. I love you. Take care._

 

She didn't wait for a reply nor did she look at it when it came, she had other things that she needed to take care of now. It was already time for Yeojin to leave school, so she went there to wait for her so they could talk on their walk home.

 

She cried again when she saw Yeojin running to her and hugging her telling her how she missed her last night. They had never sleep without having each other in the same room.

 

“what did she said,” Haseul asked nervously, she didn't know what she would do if she wasn't allowed to see her sister.

 

“nothing much, just that i have to get straight home after school for at least a month and curfew is now 6 pm” it wasn't as bad but it was still pretty bad. Haseul wanted to scream and cry again but she had to be strong, she couldn't break down again.

 

“this probably won't last much, she’ll go back to ignoring you in a couple of months and you’ll go back to how it was before the only difference will be that i won't come home every day, can you do as she says for that long? I’m going to try to dorm at uni for the rest of the semester, im gonna get another job, i can work more now without a curfew and im gonna save money for an apartment and we’re going to live there ok? we’re going to forget about her and move on with our lives” she knew it was an ambitious plan and that it probably would take longer than expected but she needed a plan, she needed a goal so that both of them had something to look forward to, so they could have hope.

 

“i’ll be ok”

 

“i’m sorry, i really am, i shouldn't have let my guard down, i should have thought about you”

 

“stop apologizing, you had no way to prevent it, it happened and now we just have to move on and do our parts so we can live this behind someday” god Yeojin was so grown up sometimes, it made Haseul so sad, she shouldn't have to go through all of this, she should just be a kid whose biggest worried was passing exams.

 

“we’re going to be ok, i’m going to make everything right i promise you” Yeojin believed her after all her sister had never lied to her.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just so you wont be confused with the timeline, this ends up in the middle of haseuls second semester of her second year, less than a year before meeting jinsoul, she meets her on her second semester of her third year  
> please let me know what you think


	3. Sooyoung loves Chaewon (and her new family)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sooyoung’s heart felt at ease, she had a little sister now, she never said it before but she’s always wanted a little sister. And Gowon was probably the best sister she could’ve asked for.

Having to leave her friends that she loved so much was probably one of the hardest things Sooyoung has ever done. She will never forget all their sad faces as her dad drove away but she understood that her dad needed this. She just hoped that they would somehow get back to each other one day.

 

After her mom died her dad had tried his best to make ends meet, she knew how hards things were for him now so she tried her hardest to help around, getting a few jobs here and there and helping out in the house. Trying to not get into trouble and just being a good kid. The last part wasn’t hard, especially since she wanted to be a good example for Hyejoo and Yerim.

 

His dad’s new job paid a lot more than what he used to get, they got a pretty decent apartment close to her dad’s job and she enrolled in a new high school for her last year. She wanted to get a full scholarship, to ease her dad’s worries, so as soon as the school year started she dedicated to study and just study, she had taken part of various extracurriculars in her other high school so she decided to leave that out this year. After all, she only needed to keep her grades as high as they’ve been.

 

While being the new student in her senior year of high school was hard, the fact that she focused on her studies made it a lot easier. She had a couple of acquaintances here and there so she wouldn't feel as lonely, but honestly, she wasn't really feeling the whole making friends thing again, she already had friends that she loved very much.

 

Her last year of high school went by without any problems, she got great grades, got accepted on her local university so study business and follow her dad’s footsteps, talking about her dad, things were going great at his new job, he had gotten a promotion not long ago so they were in a good place, he seemed very happy about his job so Sooyoung felt great, after getting the scholarship she needed she only worked on weekends so she could buy whatever she wanted without being too dependent on his dad’s money.

 

The first year of university was pretty ok, she somehow got a lot of classes with Jiho, one of the girls she talked to during high school, so that made things a whole lot easier.

 

Not having to worry too much about money anymore she could let herself get a little more loose, she would go to parties, get partially drunk (she did after all lived with his dad) and make out with a couple of girls here a there.

 

She met a girl in one of those parties, Hayoung, she was a dancer just like her and it was nice, she almost dated her till Hayoung confessed to be in love with her best friend. Sooyoung couldn't help but think about Jiwoo and Jungeun, she wondered if they were finally together or if they were still oblivious to how much they loved each other.

 

She wondered if Jinsoul was dating someone, she deserves someone nice that loved as openly and as strong as she did. She wondered If the triples were doing well in school if they were getting on trouble or they were as quiet as they used to. She told herself she was going to call them since she missed them so much.

 

She forgot to do so as she got home straight to bed and fell asleep almost immediately.

 

She hoped they still loved her. She wouldn't know what to do it they didn't.

 

Sooyoung usually went partying on Fridays night, it wasn't a weekly thing but whenever she was going out, it was on a Friday. She would usually get home around 3 am to find her dad either sleeping on the couch with the tv on or sleeping already. So she was more than surprised to get home to an empty house.

 

It was earlier than what she usually got home, only midnight, the party had been super boring so she decided to just go back home to sleep, her week had been long, with two exams and a presentation so she deserved a good 12-hour sleep.  

 

She got home trying to make as little noise as possible in case his dad was already asleep. The tv was off so she went straight to her room, but she noticed how his dad’s room was opened, meaning he wasn't actually sleeping.

 

“Dad?” she waited a few seconds but no one answered,  _weird_ , she checked her phone in case he had said something, but there was nothing there

 

Her dad didn’t usually go out that late at night so she wondered what the occasion was and why he didn't say anything. She wondered between just going to bed and sleep or watch some tv with maybe some midnight snack to wait for her dad but she ended up opting for just going to bed, she was pretty tired after all. She decided she’ll ask her dad what he was up to in the morning.

 

The next morning she decided to bring up the topic during breakfast.

 

“i got home last night and you weren’t here, you didn’t tell me you were going out?”

 

She noticed how he got a little nervous, sighing as he put a cup of coffee in front of her and sitting down with his own cup.

 

“i was going to tell you, I’ve been kind of seeing someone” _oh_ that was new, her dad hadn't made an effort to get into dating ever since her mom died.

 

“oh, is it serious?”

 

“yeah i think so” he smiled, he really seemed to be into whoever he was seeing, it was nice, seeing him trying to get out there again, she knows he’ll always love her mom but she also knows how lonely he must feel sometimes.

 

“you should bring them some time”

 

“him”

 

“well, you should bring him, if you think is serious i’d love to met him”

 

“i will, i want your approval you know i won't date anyone you don't like”

 

“you don’t need my approval,” she said laughing, she understood what he meant but she was an adult already, is not like he was bringing someone that was going to raise her and had to worry about that, still, she appreciated the gesture.

 

The rest of breakfast was uneventful, with Sooyoung telling her dad how her presentation had gone and how she had to do almost everything by herself while her dad told her all about her week at work.

 

-

 

She ended up meeting Hansol a month after their conversation, it was pretty uneventful, he was a nice dude and he seemed as into his dad and his dad was into him. Meeting her daughter was a lot more interesting.

 

Park Chaewon was a really weird girl. She looked delicate in a very princess-like way but was just a fun, “loud” kid, as loud as she could get with her delicate voice and weirdly enough very chaotic. You could tell that she grew up in a loving family that always let her be herself.

 

“So, what do you do?” was the first thing that came out of her mouth, Sooyoung was stunned, to say the least.

 

“i go to university i guess, i study business”

 

“is it as wild as it looks on the movies?” Chaewon had made herself feel at home, sitting comfortably on the couch and taking the remote putting a random show. Sooyoung was, intrigued, to say the least.

 

“i- maybe, it is harder than it looks though”

 

“cool, i still dont know if i wanna go”

 

After that she started talking about the show she was watching tv and talking about random stuff, she was surprisingly funny and easygoing. She didn't admit it then but she was fond of Chaewon as soon as she met her, she was a fresh air to her life.

 

Chaewon started coming with Hansol as well as her and her dad going to their house sometimes.

 

Chaewon's house was the polar opposite as theirs, it was full of life, with Chaewon's pictures in different stages of her life. With drawings on the fridge and traces of Chawon and her dad on every possible surface. It was warm. Sooyoung was just a little jealous and she decided she would put up more pictures on her room when she got home.

 

Chaewon, she discovered, had a lot of friends in high school but didn't seem to be that close to them. She talked about them sometimes but she didn't have that look on her eyes she was expecting to find. Maybe Chaewon wasn’t as lucky as she was.

 

Hansol had invited them for lunch a Saturday, apparently, he had learned a new recipe and he wanted to show off, Sooyoung thought it was cute. Chawon wasn’t home as she apparently had to go to a friend’s house to finish a project that was due Monday but she should make it just in time for lunch.

 

She sat on the couch browsing the channels without really settling for anything, she could hear the laughs from the kitchen and her heart felt warm, maybe Mark and Chaewon were just what she and her dad needed.

 

Chaweon got home just as Mark and she were getting the table ready but instead of coming to say hello and hug everyone as she always did she ran straight to her room with tears in her eyes.

 

They all looked at each other and Mark was already on her way to the stairs when Sooyoung talked.

 

“can i go?” her voice was small, a little scared that maybe she was intruding but seeing the usual happy girl crying that way broke her heart, she couldn’t just do nothing, plus she felt like they needed to bond more, she saw where her dad and Hansol’s relationship was going so getting closer to Chaewon seemed like a natural step.

 

Hansol looked at her with curious eyes as he nodded.

 

She made her way upstairs to Chaewon’s room and knocked asking for permission.

 

“i don’t wanna talk dad just have lunch without me” she heard between sobs, she opened the door a little and saw the surprise on Chaewon’s eyes when she realized it was her instead of her dad. Chaewon was on her bed hugging her pillow with tears running down her face, Sooyoung sat at the edge of the bed, took her hand and in the softest voice possible asked her.

 

“what happened?” Chawon looked at her for a few seconds before sitting with her back to the headboard making space for Sooyoung to sit next to her.

 

“my friends found out i like girls”

 

“how?”

 

Chaewon blushed and looked everywhere while playing with her hands “they saw me kissing a girl”

 

Sooyoung was speechless she wasn't expecting that at all “you have a girlfriend?” she asked a little bit too loud and apologized immediately.

 

“not really, is just a girl that I like to kiss?, we’re not dating, we’re barely friends I don't really know what we’re doing, but they started calling me names and saying mean stuff i just got out of there and ran all the way here, please don’t tell my dad i don’t want him to worry”

 

“he’s gonna ask what happened you know? you did get here crying without any apparent reason” Sooyoung took her hand again for support as it looked like she was going to cry again.

 

“we can just tell him that i fell down on my way here and was embarrassed”

 

She laughed a little at Chaewon’s idea, it looked like she had a plan ready. “is he gonna buy that?” she asked just a tad bit skeptical.

 

“yeah” she didn’t sound too sure but honestly she couldn't think of anything better.

 

“you know those kids don’t deserve you right? you’re a nice kid don’t let them make you sad”

 

Chaewon smiled at her and nodded “thank you” she said softly as she made her way to the bathroom.

 

“don’t worry about it, just hurry or the food is gonna be cold”

 

She suddenly understood Jinsoul and her fondness over Hyunjin and the twins. That desire to protect them and to not let the cruel world taint their lives, always wanting them to be genuine and happy kids. She wanted that for Chaewon.

 

They got really close after that, Chawon ditched her so-called friends and befriended the girl she had been kissing, apparently they stopped kissing once they became friends, Sooyoung can’t really say she understood what her deal with that girl was but she was happy that Chae had a friend that seemed to care about her.  

 

Chaewon started to confide in her with a lot of her problems, she came to her whenever she had trouble in school or when kids were being mean to her while she usually went to Chae whenever she was too stressed and tired of being surrounded by stressed college students. They would play video games whenever they needed to relax or watch random shows on Netflix and just make fun of the dumb storylines or characters.

 

Chawon felt strangely like family. 

 

It had been a year and a half since her dad started dating Hansol and something felt different every time they would get together. A good different. They felt like they belonged together, like this was both she and her dad had been waiting and caving. Sooyoung was pretty sure Hansol was gonna propose soon, she could see it in his eyes and in how every once in a while he would put his hand on his pocket and smile. She asked Chaewon one day and she say she didn’t know anything about it, Sooyoung wasn’t sure if she believed it but didn’t pry anymore.

 

It happened a Friday, _very fitting_ considering their first date was a friday, Chae had stayed over at her house while their dads were out on a date clamming to be bored out of her mind and wanting to relax after finishing a project, she had bought her ps4 with her and they've been playing games almost the entire evening, both being done with school stuff meant that they could play non stop without worrying about an essay or an exam so junk food and video games were the perfect combination.

 

“how are you this bad at this holy shit,” Chawon said laughing at how Sooyoung died for the 10th time.

 

“you’re spending too much time with me, you're getting my potty mouth”

 

“well tough shit” Sooyoung just laughed at her.

 

Their dads got home at almost 2 am, they entered screaming and singing, opening a bottle of champagne as soon as they saw the girls, Chawon and Sooyoung looked at them and then each other not knowing exactly what was happening till the both of them showed them their hands where two engagement rings were located.

 

“no way, no fucking way you’re getting married?” Chaewon screamed as she got up from the floor and ran to hug them,

 

“language young lady,” said Hansol with what was supposed to be a stern face but he just couldn't keep the smile off his face.

 

Sooyoung could barely keep the tears from falling down her face, they were gonna be a family, all four of them, not only that but Chaewon was gonna be her sister, she was gonna get a little sister. She went to join the group hug and she couldn’t help but cry as Chawon laughed at her for being a cry baby, she didn't care, she was too happy to care and she could see the tears on Chae’s eyes as she smiled at her. She hadn't felt this happy since she was with her girls.

 

Planning a wedding was more complicated than she expected. They both wanted something small and simple but perfect, which meant that every single detail had to be taken care of. Plus they were looking for a new place, if they were going to finally be a family, not like they weren’t already, they were going to need a bigger place. So to say that things were chaotic was an understatement.

 

Both she and Chaewon would help each other pack their stuff, Sooyoung didn't really have many things, mostly all her stuff were clothes and college stuff, Chawon on the other side. Since they were, thankfully, both on vacation they spent days with basically the same routine, going dress shopping till lunch and then going to either one of their houses to pack more stuff. It was nice, they would either put music or a random tv show and talk while packing their stuff. Chaewon would tell stories of how she got the very random things she owned while Sooyoung definitely didn't start crying when she found the last pajamas her mom bought her before she died, Chewon let her cry, hugging her the entire time till she felt like she had gotten everything out.

 

They didn't find the perfect dress for Chaewon till two days before the wedding which had Sooyoung’s anxiety at its peak.

 

The wedding was perfect, just as they planned. Small with just the closest relatives and friends. Sooyoung prepared a toast that made everyone cried while Chaewon’s just made everyone laugh. It was perfect she could feel it in her heart, see it in her dad and Hansol’s eyes, in Chaewon’s laughter, it was everything she ever wanted.

 

She had been dancing almost the entire time. Enjoying the atmosphere seeing her dad trying to dance and laughing at his poor attempt, she definitely didn't get her dance skills from him. Thank god.

 

She saw Chaewon make her way far from the crow and followed her, worried.

 

“Are you ok?” Sooyoung asked as soon as she found her sitting on a bench just outside the venue, they were tears on her eyes.

 

“yeah, i’m just happy, i needed a moment”

 

“i get it, is crazy isn't it, we’re gonna live together now, we’re officially gonna be a family Chae, isn't that cool,” she asked with a bright smile on her face.

 

“Gowon”

 

“Huh?” Sooyoung asked confused

 

“you can call me Gowon now”

 

“Gowon?” Sooyoung asked curiously, _it fits her_.

 

Gowon blushed, embarrassed “when I was little I insisted on my name being Gowon, I'm not sure why but that's what my family calls me, we’re family now, i’ve been meaning to tell you this before but it was never the right time”

 

“well then i guess you can call me Yves” Gowon just looked at her, waiting for an explanation ”listen, i don't how i got it but my friends always called me that” she just laughed that seemed like a very Sooyoung explanation.

 

“your friends from before you moved here?” she just nodded she could see the surprised on Gowon’s eyes, she knew how much her friends meant to her and what this meant for them.

 

Sooyoung’s heart felt at ease, she had a little sister now, she never said it before but she’s always wanted a little sister. And Gowon was probably the best sister she could’ve ask for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im not too happy with how this turned out but is been sitting on my drive for a week and i want to post it before moving to the next one. tell me what you think here or on twitter or cc.

**Author's Note:**

> im trying to make this so it isnt necessary to read the au and you can understand everything even if you arent reading it. some chapters will be backstory and some will be specific scenes that are important to the story.  
> @ethereal_dejavu on twitter if you're interested


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